Quick Hits Episode 5: A Brief, Yet Triumphant Return

(Featured image from CBC)

We are all Xavier Trudeau/Nous sommes tous Xaver Trudeau.

Because I can’t understand steel tariffs, and because of the torrent of anger and vitriol that Colten Boushie case stirs up inside of me, we’re going to start with the literal least important possible thing to happen in the last couple weeks: Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s surreal visit to India for a state visit and meeting with Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi.


Life comes at you fast. (Photo: The Irish Times)

Let’s get the obvious remark out of the way: Every single picture of the Trudeaus committing the most egregious appropriation of Indian culture by a Canadian since The Love Guru. It’s either comedy gold or a couple steps up from being a glorified minstrel act, I can’t tell for sure.

Xavier Trudeau’s facial expression speaks volumes. (Photo: National Post)

In the grand scheme of things, the Trudeau family’s problematic wardrobe doesn’t actually matter all that much, unless you’re Rebel Media, in which case you have next month’s content lined up. What is probably a bit more interesting is just how dysfunctional and unfocused the whole venture was. The most publicized event was the invitation of convicted attempted murderer Jasper Atwal to an event. Atwal, a former member of the Khalistani nationalist International Sikh Youth Federation (considered a terrorist group by both Canada and India), was charged in a 1985 attack on lawyer and opponent of Sikh nationalism Ujjal Dosanjh, who would later become premier of British Columbia. He has also admitted to a role in the 1986 attempted murder of Indian cabinet minister Malkiat Singh Sidhu. So, logically, his name was submitted for an invitation to a formal invent by Canadian MP Randeep Sarai, and managed to get photos with Sophie Trudeau and Minister of Infrastructure and Communities Amarjeet Sohi.

The fallout from this gaffe played a hand in the subsequent accusations from Indian government members that Canada has been harbouring Sikh extremists. This prompted Trudeau’s national security adviser, Daniel Jean, to suggest that factions within the Indian government of arranging Atwal’s appearance in order to torpedo Canada-India relations. You may recognize this conspiracy theory as being confusing, boring, and dumb. Because it is.

The most interesting thing to emerge from this metric shit-ton of absolute nonsense has been the subsequent polling, which seems to indicate that the government’s screwing about in the Indian subcontinent has cost them their lead. Granted, looking at polls way over a year before the next federal election means fuck-all, but it doesn’t mean NOTHING, even if it’s unlikely to hold up.

Now what I want to know is why this didn’t happen after the death of electoral reform or the selling of weapons to Saudi Arabia. Oh well! Politics are fucking stupid. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯



And though you’re dead and gone, believe me… Your memory will CAAAARRYYYYYY OOOOOOON. (Photo: Huffington Post Canada)

The legacy of what can only be described as Canada’s most storied political dynasty (suck  it, Trudeaus/Mulroneys/Mannings) soldiers on into June’s Ontario general election with Former Toronto alderman and mayoral candidate Doug Ford- son of the late former MPP Doug Ford Sr., and older brother of the late former Mayor of Toronto and world-renown political mastermind Rob Ford.

Ford is running for the leadership of Ontario’s Progressive Conservative Party after noted sex pest Patrick Brown resigned from the Party’s leadership and was expelled from the PC caucus. Not a week after Brown resigned to follow the noble pursuit of lying about how polygraph tests work, Ford threw his hat in the ring, along with veteran MPP Christine Elliot, fellow political dynast Caroline Mulroney, and fucking nut job “Pro-Life, socially conservative” activist Tanya Granic Allen.

Setting aside Allen until I feel like talking about her (which is to say, probably never) Ford, Mulroney and Elliot have mostly run broadly similar campaigns, promising to cut hydro rates, repeal any carbon tax implemented by Kathleen Wynne’s provincial Liberal government or Justin Trudeau’s federal government, cut taxes, etc. Basically: “Not be Kathleen Wynne.”

Screen Shot 2018-03-06 at 8.33.39 PM
Admittedly, that’s a pretty good starting point. (Photo: Rabble)

Where Ford separates himself from the establishment-friendly milquetoast neoliberalism of Elliot and Mulroney is his enthusiastic acceptance of social conservatism, presumably to serve as a foil to the Wynne government’s new sexual education curriculum and policy of “not trying to ruin the lives of teenage girls, you hack.”

The first of Ford’s two most-publicized policy planks are the “revisitation” of the Wynne government’s sex-ed curriculum in order to provide for more parental input and avoid “teaching Liberal ideology” such as proper names for body parts, the concept of consent, gender and sexual identity, and puberty, among other buzzwords for leftist brainwashing. You may recognize this as being the “Brad Trost” strategy for success.

Honestly, if you can’t trust THIS guy with the development of your kid’s sexual education and maturity, then I don’t know who you could trust. (Photo: Toronto Star)

To the surprise of absolutely nobody, Ford’s tired “parental rights” argument extends to his opinion on access to abortion for minors, with the two-time loser of the Toronto mayoral election claiming that “we’ve got to consult parents” before allowing underage girls to access the procedure.

“Hi, I’m Doug! I’m here to talk to you about your daughter’s uterus!” (Photo: The Beaverton)

All snark aside (well, SOME snark aside), I’m aware that dunking on the Fords is kind of a hacky move, because Rob was a clown and Doug is only better in the sense that he’s never been caught on video calling his constituents “kikes, niggers, wops, and dagos.” They’re living cartoon characters. And yet, Doug Ford is a credible political threat, because of a combination of people supporting him out of vague notions that the president of a printing company is “one of them” and “gets straight to the point,” with a deep and mostly justified dislike of Kathleen Wynne and the Liberals.

The PC Party’s leadership election is scheduled for March 10, three months before the Ontario general election on June 7. If the polls are correct, Ford and Elliot are the main favourites to win the leadership, with the winner will take on the incumbent Liberal government and Andrea Horwath’s impressively underwhelming NDP for the title of Ontario’s next ineffectual government. UNLESS THE TRILLIUM PARTY HAS ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT!!!

Nah, just kidding. I have a better chance at being elected Ontario premier than Bob Yaciuk.

What the shit am I looking at??? (Photo: trilliumontario.ca)




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