For the first instalment in the thrilling saga that is Canadian federal party politics, click here.
Part Four: Where Do They Stand?
Alright, so now you know enough about these people to vote for them completely superficially based on physical appearance, life story, and how much you wanna sex them up good. If that’s all the information you need to make a decision, more power to ya. All three of you who want to make a more informed decision based on principles would probably rather learn a bit more about their actual platforms. How do they plan to combat inequality? What’s their plan for success in 2019 and beyond? How often do they say the word “neoliberal” in a mocking fashion? Do they want to kill the bourgeoisie, or merely maim them and slowly and painfully torture their children in front of them? All valid questions.
In order to determine the most relevant questions surrounding the candidates, I went through their platforms and picked out the issues that two or more of them mentioned. That way, I hope to include more pertinent, occasionally overlapping discussions like how to best implement electoral reform, and not so much something more niche, like abolishing the monarchy, or abolishing Victoria Day and replacing it by enshrining Corner Gas Day as a federal holiday. Still waiting on people to sign my petition, by the way.
No doubt that I will end up missing parts of every candidate’s platforms. In those cases, feel free to look up their specific platforms for more detail. This is meant to be a slightly in-depth, yet broadly general overview. I’m sure there’s somebody who actually knows what they’re talking about who can explain these much better than me, but I make dick jokes, so, y’know, the choice is obvious.
The Canadian Left is having a rough go of it lately, publicity-wise. The leaderless New Democratic Party is currently wanting for media attention while its two rivals, the Liberals and Conservatives, currently hogging the spotlight due to the formers’ incredibly photogenic and popular leader/prime minister, and the latter’s frighteningly comical flirtations with insanity. Coming off one of the more damaging political defeats in their history and consistently polling at just under 20% of popular support, the NDP has found itself groping wildly for any sort of identity beyond “The Liberals, but angrier”. The good news is that this new identity may be on the way in the form of a new leader to replace the outgoing Tom Mulcair, who will retire from politics after serving as the replacement for party legend Jack Layton.
What’s that? Didn’t you know the NDP was having a leadership election? That’s okay. Neither did 99% of Canadians. It’s hard for a third party to jockey for attention when pretty much all the candidates agree on everything, especially while the two bigger parties are either having their leader fellated in a Rolling Stone article or having their own leadership election in which the main point of contention appears to be “screaming at each other over whether or not brown people are worthy of basic human decency”.
Unfortunately for any interested parties who are just hearing about the voting (which I suspect constitutes most of the interested parties. You would think that those annoying pleas for donations would’ve amounted to something resembling prominent advertising) it’s too late to sign up for party membership, and the leadership election itself has begun, with the first ballot results expected to be revealed on Sunday, October 1 but if you are eligible to vote and plan on doing so, or if you just have some time to kill before soul-crushing reality rears its ugly head again, this handy-dandy two-post guide (because approximately zero people can be arsed to read one 7000+ word post) should prove informative, with the second part coming out sometime tomorrow.